How Did This Happen To Me?
by antiassasinguy
Summary: KureTsuAnkoNaru. Uzumaki Naruto is the hottest eighteen year old Jounin of Konoha. He's in love too? With who? Kurenaisensei, Tsunadebaba and Ankochan of course. What he doesn't know is that they love him too. Can he snag them? STORYLINE CHANGED!
1. Three Women and One Guy

A/N: I don't own Naruto. Sasuke and Neji are gay temes in this one! Hahahahaha!

**How Did This Happen To Me?**

**Chapter One: Three Women and One Guy**

It was a fairly sunny day outside in Konoha, and people were busy doing what they thought were fulfilling to themselves outside, not bothered at all by the large number of curses thrown inside the Hokage's office, which would make even Orochimaru or Tayuya blush.

She was currently signing away the mounds of paperwork on her desk, desperately trying to get rid of the white material with smudges of ink on them that made letters. The higher being in Heaven was not on her side today, as the poor Hokage was outmatched by the pile before her, reaching a good seven feet into the air. And there were more piles of work around her, waiting to be signed. She was extremely frustrated at the day, and all she wanted to do was have lunch with her Naruto.

_Stop_. Freeze. Rewind. Did she just say _her _Naruto? You bet she did.

You see, dear reader, the blonde Hokage has been captivated with the Adonis that is Uzumaki Naruto. He was eighteen, sought after by most of the women in Konoha. What am I saying? Every female in Konoha above the age of ten had an incredible crush on him. So did several of the male population, for reasons that I cannot utter here. Okay, they were gay; idiots…

It all just started with the way that Uzumaki Naruto started to grow, and look just like his father; the Yondaime Hokage. And then came the part when Naruto's cerulean eyes seemed to grow even more innocent over the time that passed; they were much deeper and more mysterious as well, and any single woman that looked into his eyes as he turns around to face them with a smile would die happy. Of course, this would not settle well with the male population of Konoha, and they grew to despise Uzumaki Naruto and his good looks and his smile that could easily win a woman's heart.

Uzumaki Naruto; improved version of the Yondaime. Uzumaki Naruto; the man that almost every woman would die happy if they just had a glance of his heartbreaking smile.

Tsunade remembered that grin he gave her all those years ago, and felt the blood rush to her cheeks and he was only a petit twelve year-old boy. That smile stole her heart and she did not even know it then. And then he grew to become the finest of men.

The tall frame of the blonde Jounin was always there, right through the door and he would just walk in casually, flashing her a grin. Oh, yes; Tsunade-sama has got it bad! It was a very ironic situation, when Tsunade had made fun of Naruto's ability to attract the opposite sex. She was paying for it now! Her lunch date was ruined. She had been hoping to get a date with the boy of her dreams, and now it was all ruined. All thanks to the evil paperwork that stood befor her, proudly and triumphantly.

Oh, how she hated the evil paperwork! Yes, she hated it with a passion!

She wanted to use a Katon Jutsu so badly to burn all of them up.

But the duties of the Hokage were important; they were for the village; and the village meant everyting to her Naruto-kun. There she goes again: saying that Naruto was hers.

There were not many people that knew of her crush on the blonde dynamo; only Jiraiya knew it, and he was fine with it. He did not have anything against Tsunade's feelings; it was only natural for a female of Konoha to fall for Uzumaki Naruto. Very normal, indeed.

She had finished signing the fourth pile of files and was on to the next file, which read the income of the village for the past few years. It was going nowhere fast; Tsunade sighed as she turned the first leaf over to the next and began to read through it; more work for the Hokage.

'Damn it; why did I have to be Hokage? Why could I have not just stay put to my wandering ways as a gambler instead of coming here and signing stacks of paper?'

There was a knock on the door and Shizune came in, wearing glasses and clad in her usual attire, another pile of papers in her hands. Tsunade groaned, placing a hand on her forehead, as the brunette grimaced and placed the stack of paper next to another.

'I'm sorry, Tsunade-sama, but the village needs to be run, and I'm only here to help you make sure that it's done.' Shizune said; Tsunade pouted before continuing to work, 'And Naruto-kun said that he'd be coming over with his Genin team for a little show and tell.'

'Naruto's coming over; with his Genin Team?' Tsunade's brain began to work evilly; imagining the things that he'd do to the blonde Jounin after the backs of the Genin Team were turned, and added disappointedly, not that Shizune did not notice it, 'So that was his idea for a lunch date.'

'Why; Tsunade-sama? You sound like you're disappointed over something?' Shizune inquired to her beautiful blonde superior, 'Do you want me to cancel the appointment?'

'NO!' she blurted out, louder than she had meant to. She slightly blushed as Shizune was slightly in shock from her Hokage's sudden shout, 'I mean, just leave my day as it is.'

'All right then, Tsunade-sama.' Shizune opened the doors to the office and was about to exit, when she turned around and gave an encouraging grin to Tsunade, 'Cheer up, Tsunade-sama; Naruto-kun will be ready for the title of Hokage in no time and you'll be free.'

She exited the room, and Tsunade found herself smiling at the thought of Naruto as the Rokudaime Hokage of Konoha, looking proudly over his people and grinning widely, the look of happiness and accomplishment evident on his face as she turned to her, with a genuine smile. And then he would kiss her, and then he would drag her to the office as soon as it was over, and…

She blushed at the thought, and continued to do her paperwork, grinning and blushing at the same time, in a happy mood. And somewhere in Konoha, a certain young blonde Jounin with whisker-marks and sneezed, and looked up. Someone was talking about him, somewhere out there.

It was a sunny day outside, and Mitarashi Anko was in her favourite dango stall, with Morino Ibiki next to her. The scarred Elite Jounin had grudgingly accepted an invitation to lunch with the sexy woman; grudgingly because Anko had not been paid yet and he had to pay for the food. She was also participating in another one of her hobbies at the same moment. A sport the woman love to call Naruto-watching AKA stalking him. It was Konoha's number one sport for women.

Not so much stalking, but still, a viewer's sport for the women of Konoha.

The blonde Jounin was currently seating on a bar with three children beside him, one of them was recognised as Hyuuga Hanabi, the sister of the renowned Hunter-nin, Hyuuga Hinata and two other boys that were not a very recognised bunch except for the fact that one was a long-haired blonde with glasses and a silver-haired one with brown eyes and a bandana.

'Naruto-sensei, you usually take us to Ichiraku; why the change in plans today?'

'Well, for one thing, Ichiraku is currently under renovation and the other; this place is a very good place to hide from all those troublesome fangirls. I feel like Sasuke.'

Anko blushed as she overheard the conversation that Naruto was having with his students. She _was_ a fangirl, and she did not want Naruto to dislike her or hate her.

She had a very huge crush on the blonde ever since her rescued her from a team of Oto ninjas that had ambushed her ANBU Squad a few months ago. She remembered the cool pose he gave him, sticking his right arm upwards and doing tricks with the kunai in his left arm, along with the confident smirk he had to go with it. Most women would have died happy seeing that from Naruto.

_Don't worry about it, Anko-chan; I won't let these guys touch a pretty lady like you._

Those were his words to her, and they swept down and stole her heart.

Of course, what woman would not get charmed by a confident smirk and a pose like that from the Adonis of Konoha, Uzumaki Naruto. The surveys read no woman could. So Anko was carried on the back of Uzumaki Naruto to Konoha, much to the envy of several women that had their eyes on him. Anko received threats of mangled limbs and burnt organs as well as glares that could melt ice.

She was trained by Orochimaru, so it was okay. She did all those things for years.

Oh, yeah, speaking of Orochimaru, let me just tell you that he's out there somewhere, living his night life in a Sound gay bar surrounded by equally gay villains such as himself. But we shall not tread down the dirty path of Yaoi and Shounen-Ai on this page, so let's just continue.

Anko was watching Uzumaki Naruto eat with his team, smiling as he talked with them. Anko watched her fox chew his dango with ecstasy and almost moaned when he started to do it slowly and sensually. That boy really knew how to get women hot. And he wasn't even trying.

And then came the part when Naruto started to down his drink.

He did not gulp it down. Anko literally watched her fox bring his drink down his throat very _very_ sensually. Anko moaned softly, bringing Ibiki's attention to her.

'Anko, are you well today?' the scarred Jounin frowned at her content look and…

Ibiki was flying out of the place, hit hard by a red-faced Mitarashi Anko.

Naruto whirled around and saw that Anko was in the bar, and she blushed as Naruto gave her a friendly wave. Yeah, that sadistic woman could probably die happy now.

She waved back, and the women sent her glares that could melt ice.

'Who is that scary lady, Naruto-sensei?' Hanabi asked her instructor, who gave a slight grin.

'That's Anko-san; she was the one that gave me my evaluation on my first Chuunin Exam.'

'Wasn't she also the one that you said licked your cheek?' the silver-haired boy inquired.

Anko blushed as she remembered the incident with the blonde all those years ago in front of the Forest of Death; she licked his cheek there and then, and was grinding herself against the then-twelve year-old boy. He had a nice and round bottom to top it off, then, too.

Naruto then got off his eat and went to Anko, whose heart was beating faster than ever. He was closing on her; Anko began to fidget in her spot, and thanked God if he did not see her blush.

'Anko-san, what are you doing here? Taking a break from mangling people?' Naruto joked.

'Yeah, well; I need a break too, you know? And dango seemed like a good thing to have.'

Naruto turned and saw people inspecting Ibiki's form outside the shop, still out cold.

'He tried to hit on you?' Naruto raised an eyebrow; Anko shook her head vigorously.

'Nah; he just snapped me out of something I liked doing.' that was her explanation.

It was a good way of telling your crush that you are not obsessed with him in an unhealthy way while still telling him the truth. Bravo, Mitarashi-san; you sneaky perverted woman!

'And if I may ask, what is it that he snapped you out of? Perving on some guy?'

Naruto let out a hearty laugh; Anko felt a blush coming up her face as Naruto continued to laugh. It would also be a nice time to say that several women passed out from over-excitement at seeing their blonde obsession up close and personal indulging in laughing, smiling and all the other things that made a woman or a fangirl's hearts flutter. Naruto did not notice any of them, of course.

Not even when the women were taken away by medic-nins that just popped up.

'Well, I'll have to go and see our beloved Hokage-sama for a little show and tall for my students.'

'You're going to see Hokage-sama? At this moment?' Anko raised an eyebrow in interest.

'My students should have the pleasure to meet the hag in person; then they'll have a thing or two to say to their peers. And then comes the fun part; my teaching them the jutsus that I have collected!'

Anko couldn't help but smile to herself as she listened to Naruto. She thought that he would make a great husband, and she would be the wife, and she would always be ready at night in their bedroom, clad in her pyjamas, and then Naruto would come in, grinning and rip it all off her, pleasuring her…

She blushed slightly, and some drool was visible dribbling down her chin.

'The thought of food makes you drool too, huh?' Naruto misunderstood that the woman was drooling because of the smell of dango and food that came into the vicinity, 'But…'

Naruto took a stick of dango off her plate and bit it off sensually, she gulped.

'I guess not every woman can resist the temptation of dango like this, eh?'

No, of course not, Naruto; and every woman cannot resist the sensual movements that you make every single stupid time that you eat, moan groan, and every other thing that turns them on.

Anko, of course, imagined the licking dango off of Naruto's lean and slender frame.

'All right, kids; let's go on with the day. Next stop; Tsunade-baachan's office!'

Naruto gave her a friendly wink and left the dango restaurant with his students.

As he left, the women in the restaurant moaned and groaned, as the men cursed under their breath.

Yuuhi Kurenai was a proper woman. She was thirty, single, and considered in the top ten of the most wanted kunoichis in Konoha. She should have _him _chasing after _her; _not the other way around. Sure, she had curves in all the right places, beauty that only could be compared with the top supermodels of the Earth Country. But that did not explain why Naruto just kept greeting her as a friend instead of jumping her. She was currently training in the Jounin's training area alone.

It was sunset, and the rest of the male Jounin population was away from the area going at it with their girls or out on dates or going out for a drink with their friends. She had a pole before her, showered with several shurikens that she had used to train. She was also sweating from top to bottom, and the projectiles in her hand were set for another throw. She jumped upwards and threw them, hitting the pole once more, and some of them even pierced it, spiking the ground.

'Hey there, Kurenai-san!' a very familiar voice called out to the red-eyed woman.

Naruto stood there, clad in his everyday wear, grinning at her and playing with a kunai in his hands.

'Hello, Naruto,' she could not help but smile at the young man, who stopped playing with his kunai.

'So, once again, you're the last one to leave the training grounds.' Naruto said.

'Yes, it looks like I am.' Kurenai said, taking a seat against a nearby pole.

Naruto began to stretch himself for a while, before taking a seat himself.

And where might that seat be if it was not next to the beautiful woman?

Kurenai felt the warmth that he projected, from the well-toned body that he had under his clothes.

Naruto was a _very _well-built person; lean, muscular and tanned, just like she likes him.

And she would think how good he would feel when they go up to her room, kissing and kissing and kissing and it would lead to another, and then she would feel him inside of…

Well, sorry reader, but I cannot continue with Kurenai-san's dirty thoughts, so we will just go on.

She blushed at the dirty thoughts she had in her head (YOU SHOULD! DIRTY-THINKING PERVERTED ONNA!), which Naruto never noticed of course, busy humming a tune to himself.

'So, how was your team today?' Kurenai suddenly asked Naruto, who turned to look her way.

'They were great; Hanabi has been improving a lot and Iwagi and Hitatsu are coming along nicely.'

'That's good.' was Kurenai's reply; she felt like smacking herself in the head.

'Yeah; it is.' Naruto said to her in return, and silence reigned for the next few minutes.

The silence went on and on and on and on… oh, was that Sasuke drowning? Nah…

It was just another log shaped like Sasuke, or more accurately, a chicken's butt.

'Wanna spar?' Naruto asked Kurenai, getting to his feet and dusting off his pants.

Kurenai's eyes slightly widened at the blonde's preposition, and Naruto grinned foxily once more.

He does seem to do that a lot, doesn't he? What a very strange habit.

'Don't cry if you lose, Uzumaki.' Kurenai got up, smirking at him.

'Men as tough as the great Uzumaki Naruto do not cry.' Naruto cracked his knuckles.

Predictably, Naruto won the spar, with his moves out of pure Taijutsu and his opponent, the beautiful red-eyed woman known as Yuuhi Kurenai was suddenly nursing a cut on her right arm, the results of a kunai that ricocheted off a tree and another and another until it her.

Naruto walked up to her, and looked at the cut on her arm.

'To think that a kunai could do that…' Naruto followed this with a whistle.

'Shut up.' Kurenai gave a playful glare at him and stuck her tongue out.

'Let me help.' she felt his warm hand upon her skin and the wound.

There was a small light emanated from the hand that Naruto had put there, and at once, the wound was healed, although there was a scar in the shape of a small slash on there.

'Thanks.' Kurenai said, Naruto gave her a nod as a form of response and sat down.

She enjoyed the warmth that he had in his body, and at the mention of the word "body", you could bet that she had a perverted train of thoughts that lead all the way down to…

I WILL SAY NO MORE; STUPID CRAZY PERVERTED ONNA AND THEIR DIRTY MINDS!

Back to the story; Naruto and Kurenai were side by side on the ground.

'Naruto, there's a question that I would like to ask you.' Kurenai suddenly came up.

'Fire away, Kurenai-san.' Naruto turned to her once more, grinning foxily.

Okay, QUIZ TIME! What do you, dear reader, think that she is going to ask? Just read on.

'What kind of girls do you go after?' she was blushing ever so slightly, 'I'm asking for a friend!'

'And does this friend happen to be a fangirl of mine?' Naruto quirked an eyebrow.

'I'd be lying if I said no.' was Kurenai's answer, and Naruto sighed.

'Okay, tell your friend this, and this alone.' Naruto had another stupid grin in place.

Naruto continued to grin and then looked to the sky, and Kurenai perked her ears up intently.

'I like three kinds of women.' Naruto's smile turned warm, 'I like feisty blondes who pack a mean punch and have a very warm smile. I like grinning girls with bright smiles who joke around with guys and are very cute when they pout or blush. And, last, but not least, I like long-haired brunettes that are cold and calm on the outside but have a very nice blush and good curves just in the right places.'

The woman was puzzled, and Naruto said nothing more, but got up from his seat.

'Who knows, Kurenai-san; you just might be one of those women that I mentioned.'

Kurenai fought down a blush as Naruto walked away from her, grinning once more.

_Just what did he say to me? _Kurenai thought, watching the blonde walk away from her.

She felt the healed wound on her arm and began to blush, remembering the soft touch there.

'So you like three kinds of women, eh, Uzumaki?' Kurenai smiled to herself.

And so, dear reader; this is where she had her dominatrix fantasies once more.

I'M SKIPPING THEM! ON WITH THE STORY! WHY ARE THE WOMEN PERVERTED!

'I can't be the first one, Uzumaki, but the second and third? That will do.'

An evil smirk graced her beautiful features as she disappeared in a whirl of leaves.

Naruto collapsed on his bed, and the moonlight shone through his dark apartment. He sighed.

_Why did this happen to me? Why can't I just be another normal guy with a girlfriend and being flirtatious with women? Why can't I just have a woman; why three? WHY?_

Uzumaki Naruto, aged eighteen and the most wanted bachelor in Konohagakure no Sato.

He, dear reader, is not a normal person, being the third most powerful ninja in the village and the vessel of Kyuubi no Kitsune, as well as a person with the ambition of being the next Hokage and surpassing the previous ones, he has a lot to do and accomplish. What about love?

He was in love, with not one, not two, but three girls.

And you can guess who those _women are?_

'Tsunade-baba, Anko-chan; Kurenai-san… why me? Why can't I just fall in love with _one?_'

Ah, yes, Uzumaki Naruto in love with the three women chasing after him.

And outside, observing everything was Iruka, who had a smile of pity.


	2. Save me from the Fan Clubs!

A/N: I don't own Naruto. The storyline has changed; they won't be put into youth potion. But they still get Naruto!

**Chapter Two: Save me from the Fan Clubs!**

It was a throne room, and Uzumaki Naruto was there, sitting upon it like a king, his large red robes made of fur and and draped over him. On top his head was a massive crown, full of glittering jewellery and made out of the finest gold; around his neck was a golden necklace that had glittering diamonds and gems on it, looking as though a whole Country could be bought by the wealth it held. In his right hand he held a golden scepter, and in the other hand, he had glittering coins. In the throne room of Uzumaki Naruto there were many treasures, gold was in small hills in this confined room, and Naruto was here to use it to his will; long live the King of the Ramen Country! That was a strange quote… WAIT, back; back; back; back! Since when did the blonde own a throne room full of gold? And since when there was a country named after _Ramen_? Very; very strange occurrences indeed; but this _is _Naruto's life…

The blonde king rose from his position upon the throne and began to walk down the red carpet set out for him to walk upon; to be tread by his royal feet; a tool so that the King of Ramen Country would have no qualms of walking around as he did and get an injury, such was the importance of the King of Ramen Country. He put his hands behind his back and exited his throne room into the large Great Hallways of the Castle of the King of Ramen Country; this, you must find quite a strange sight, dearly appreciated reader.

The structure of the King's interior was simple, with sculptures of the Kings of Ramen Country before him as well as the guardians who served them, the powerful Almighty Angel Warriors; the Ramen Ninjas!

Miso Ramen, the arrogant one who had the ability to see through solid objects with his Miso doujutsu.

Pork Ramen; lazy, but who was known for his super incredible intelligence and strategizing abilities.

Chicken Ramen; the ramen that was known for his ability to use powerful Katon Jutsus and the ability to predict the actions of an enemy in battle as well as the power to copy anything with his unique Doujutsu.

Vegetarian Ramen; the ramen with the super-shiny clean white teeth and famed lightning-fast speed.

And last but not least, Beef Ramen who had the ability of calling upon the powers of canine family.

Ah, yes, Naruto and his Almighty Angel Warriors, the Ramen Ninjas were fare and just and they would be remembered for all eternity as the ones who had introduced ramen to the world and had given them the joy of tasting ramen in their tongues; ah, wait… their _unworthy _tongues, for even Uzumaki Naruto did not fully deserve the delight from heaven that was ramen. It was the ambrosia of the Gods, NO, even higher than that. Ramen was the food that brought the women and men of the world together, as he was about to demonst- WHAP! (Off set: Baka! Don't spoil the next scene, they might get even more angry!)

Oh, okay then, so anyways, the king of the Ramen Country was walking down the halls of his great and beautiful and magnificent and powerful castle, which shielded him from the men that invaded the walls, and the women that were tearing at them, begging him to take their virginity. Naruto would have obliged, if not for the fact that he was waiting for the perfect woman, er, _women _to lose his little cherry to.

Naruto was walking down the halls some more, and I'm not sure about you guys, but don't you think that he's taking a wee bit too long walking down the halls, I mean, you can even fit a Konoha- WHAP! (Off set: You baka, why the hell do you insist on ruining this story? Isn't the way you discontinued Naruto: The Greatest Hero enough?). Okay, so anyways, Naruto was looking at the statues that pictured the likeness of ramen in all its glory; excluding of course, the flavour of any one of them, since they _are _made of rocks.

Naruto turned to one particular statue; it was of a man, himself, really, with the crown of Ramen Country proudly over his head and the Silver Bowl of Ramen under his armpit, the sacred bowl that he ate his ramen out of, the bowl that made his ramen taste more than ten times better; not that it did not already taste good, of course, but a priceless bowl almost always enchanced the flavour of ramen noodles!

Naruto sighed, looking away from the statue of himself, and although it looked proud and dashing and heroic and sexy and attractive and… lonely. Yes, although Uzumaki Naruto was the King of Ramen Country, he had yet to find a beautiful bride to call his own and pin down to the bed and… (BLUSH). So he went on his way to the royally big dining room that held the dinner, the royal dinner course, and he would have his dinner, and then walk back into his room, alone, without a Queen. Without a person to kiss him in the middle of the night when he had nightmares of ramen running out of supply in his beautiful country.

Of course, in the world of Naruto, that would never happen, since it would kill him twenty times over.

'Oh, a Queen to call for my own; oh please Great Gods of the Ramen Kingdom, bring me a woman who would love me and care for me forevermore!' he called out throughout the hall; no answer was given.

Poor Naruto; he had no woman to call his own here, and he probably would never have them.

Naruto, dejected, continued his journey to the dining room. It was going to be a rather lonely dinner tonight. Not that it always was a lonely dinner; he usually had the Ramen Ninjas to accompany him once in a while, but they were all off on missions and other stuff that his figment of imagination had assigned them, even though he never did, in reality, assign them on any lame mission or other stuff. Heh; dreams…

He entered the great dining hall with its very very long table, which was around twenty metres long and one metre wide, reaching from one end of the dining hall to the other. Naruto sat at one end of the table, and the servants, which, strangely, all looked like foxes clad in tuxedoes, came and served his ramen.

Thirty minutes and twenty-three bowls of ramen later, the King of the Kingdom of ramen exited the dining hall with a full stomach and that ever-present feeling of loneliness. Once again, poor King Naruto…

Naruto went up the stairs that lead to his chambers, the statues of his likness all lined up along the way to the destination of his feet. He opened the rather large door that had carvings of ramen upon it, and went inside, to find that strangely, the lights were off. He tried to flick them back on, but it did not work. He made a mental note to call for the Royal Electrician, as if there was such a person. He walked to his bed, and suddenly felt the soft smell of roses upon his nose. It was truly a heavenly experience for him.

'The Gods have heard your pleas, my handsome King…' was heard by Naruto's ears; it was a _woman_…

'And they have answered them, in our form…' there was another voice; another _female's _voice.

'They have heard of your deeds and have sent us, their most trusted angels, as your _wives_.'

The lights came on in an instant, and Naruto saw three beautiful _goddesses _before him, each one of them radiant in their own unique way. The first one who had spoken had light brown eyes, dark purple a cute face that radiated childishness and immaturity that was enticing; the second one who had spoken was a rather well-endowed blonde with hazel eyes and a tanned beautiful set of features. The last one was a woman black hair and red eyes, and radiated grace and beauty from her curves and grace. They were all clad in kimonos the same colour as their eyes, with long ribbons together, and had been loosened very slightly for a more seductive look, after all, women in loose kimonos were ones that gave good reactions

They pressed up against him, the red-eyed woman taking him by the front and two others cutching an arm each, and pinning him to the bed that was his. The red-eyed woman locked eyes with him…

If this was a dream, Naruto would never want to wake up; he had ramen, women; power and he w-

'NARUTO, WAKE UP GODDAMMIT! IT'S FRICKIN' ONE IN THE AFTERNOON!' was shouted into his ear.

Inuzuka Kiba moaned as he got up from the ground, nursing the rather large bump on his head. Of course, Naruto was the one who had caused it. After all, who would be the ones that would wake the young man up from his slumber of ramen, women and power would surely get the very painful end for his fist. For a guy, he sure hit hard (Off set: In Narutoverse, women hit harder than men; TRUST ME!). For the moment, he was sitting on the chair in the dining room now, shirtless (Girls, stop drooling now). In his hand was a bowl of ramen and a pair of chopsticks used to feast upon the delicacy. Kiba approached him.

Naruto glared at the brunette; he had ruined his dream of three hot and beautiful woman; unforgivable!

'Hey, you were supposed to wake up in the mornings, not the stupid afternoons, asshole.' He started.

'Why did you whout into my ear; you could have just woke me up with the smell of ramen.'

'I tried, idiot. You ended up almost sucking on my shirt moaning.' Kiba said, and kept glaring at Naruto.

'Hn; whatever.' Naruto finished his bowl and threw it across the room and into the kitchen sink.

Kiba stared at the kitchen sink, and then back at Naruto. Naruto raised an eyebrow at his expression.

'You do realize that you're the first ninja in the village to be able to throw a bowl into a sink fifteen feet away and making it perfectly sink into the kitchen sink without it having any damge of the sort?'

Naruto blinked. That was a rather long and silly statement that Kiba had made about his action.

'Are you by any chance on crack, dog breath?' Naruto questioned; crossing his two arms and looking up.

'Of course not; who the heck do you think I am; Sasuke? Now _he _you should suspect.' Kiba replied.

'Just because he's bisexual preferring guys does not give you a reason to suspect him.' Naruto out a hand underneath his chin, his eyes suddenly closed in thought, 'Wait a minute; did he already…?'

'HELL NO! All of us would kill him if he had done that; hated Sharingan idiot or no!' Kiba half-shouted.

'He _was _acting a whole lot girly lately, but I guess that's just an after-affect. He couldn't already…?'

'Didn't I just tell you; we would have stopped him before he got near that place! Or kill him if he did.'

'Ah; that's good. So anyways; we're still on for that job Kakashi gave us? Nice of him to offer us.'

'Yeah; we're doing it tomorrow. I still don't get it, though, what's such a big deal about a restaurant called The Bunta? Hell, the name even smells like a gangster hangout; what's so big about this job?'

Naruto looked at him as though he had eaten the last jelly doughnut and said that it was the best.

'Have you gone _senile_, you idiot? Don't you know about the famed Bunta?' Naruto said, Kiba shook his head, earning a look from Naruto that said that he was definitely not impressed. The feeling of a wise man lecture could be seen approaching the dreaded area, 'The Bunta, my friend, is _the _number one hangout for people all over Konoha! By doing this job, do you realize the merits we get! Hell, the rewards!' Kiba shook his head, and Naruto felt like lifting the table and dropping it on him. Painfully. He continued, 'By doing that renovation job, we ninjas get a free pass into the club anytime we want! Hell, even the other Jounins have trouble getting into that place!' Kiba remained unimpressed, and Naruto did not bother.

'Whatever, even if it is what you say it is, my loyalty remains with the one and only Hakkai's.'

'Hakkai's? Eh? What's that? Some old pub?' This earned a glare from Kiba, and Naruto said nothing.

'It's where we go every Saturday night when we're free, or we have a vacation; it's not really fancy, but you can just imagine the fun they have there! Games, karaoke, a bar; etcetera…' Kiba said, ticking off his fingers one by one as Naruto left him, not that Kiba noticed, to put on his Jounin vest. Kiba continued, his face scrunched up to reveal a rather funny image of a thinking Kiba, 'You know, Naruto, you're the on-'

Kiba had finally noticed that his fellow Jounin had gone missing from right under his nose to go change.

Some sentry he was, letting the loudmouth blonde slip from right under his proud Inuzuka nose.

Naruto, fifteen minutes later, had finally found his Jounin vest and they both exited the home of Uzumaki Naruto, without a care in the world. Oh, wait, they _did_ have something to worry about.

Or at least, the blonde Jounin did. Kiba was free of this burden, much to his relief, and Naruto's chagrin.

_Fangirls_. Lots and lots of fangirls. Not to mention the fan-_BOYS_. Disturbing thought… moving on…

'IT'S OUR FOXY-CHAN!' was the battlecry, and Naruto's eyes widened; Kiba groaned; it was that time of month again. Wait, no, it wasn't that time of month. It was that time of the _second_; first sighting.

'Holy crap…' Naruto said, looking at the dust storm that was made up of his adoring fans.

To be specific… the _male _branch of the Uzumaki Naruto Fan Club. May God have mercy upon his soul.

'RUN, NARUTO!' but he had, long before the Inuzuka Jounin had called out, 'NO! DON'T LEAVE ME!'

_Sorry Kiba, but when it comes to the male branch, drastic measures have to be taken_, he thought.

He watched with pity as the… men… (Naruto questioned whether or not they still qualified for the title) went after him. And in the process, he heard Kiba's tears of sorrow in the distance. Nothing to worry about, though, Kiba fans! Kiba just used Kawarimi and escaped, not really caring about the new pink stickers on the back of his Jounin vest showing the love the male branch of the Uzumaki Naruto Fan Club the love they had for their idol, hero, lust icon, etcetera. He wondered why he had males going after him at some times, but it chartered down to his looks that bordered on rough bishounen. He grimaced.

_How the Hell am I going to escape this! Kakashi-sensei; Iruka-sensei, somebody help me!_

And help came, in the form of the latter ninja that was the first person to acknowledge him. Running prously in his direction, with the aura of a proud teacher and the power of brotherly love, came Iruka.

'IRUKA-SENSEI! YOU CAME TO RESCUE ME!' Naruto cried, tears of joy coming out of his eyes.

'_RESCUE_ YOU! I'M GETTING AWAY FROM _MY OWN_ FANS!' Iruka cried, his features showing distress.

It is a common misconception that Iruka was gay, which he was not, but that did not stop the a portion of the males of Konoha to come after their beloved little uke (eeew…) as well as the fair bit of females. Not that Iruka was interested in any of them, of course, because he had his beloved Suzume with him.

Unfortunately, they were ignoring his status of "Taken" and went off after him anyway. Poor Iruka.

Back to the present, so now, ah, where were we? Oh yeah; Iruka and Naruto were being chased by…

Er… how or what do I call them again? (Off Set: Just call 'em men; they still have a-) MEN!

'WHAT! TURN AROUND IRUKA-SENSEI! TURN AROUND GOD DAMN YOU!' Naruto shouted frightfully.

They screeched to a halt, crashing into each other and landing on their butts upon the sandy ground.

Naruto's head turned to his fans, on his face a nervous upturn of the lips; they were smirking, with their perverted drools on their faces as well as rubbing their hands together in glee. Add the fact that your former Sensei's fans were in the area as well, and you got a whole lot of looming gloom and doom.

'Oh God… Please have mercy upon me; if you do I will never ever skip the supermarket line with Kawarimi no Jutsu again. I will never ever lie to Udon and say that girls just don't like him because of his glasses. I will never ever cheat at strip poker ever again too…' Iruka prayed to the almighty one above.

_Wow, I never knew Iruka-sensei did such bad things; I think I'll pray too,_ he thought, and closed his eyes and went into a begging position, his ears overcoming the perverted giggles of his and Iruka's fans, _oh God, if you help me, I promise to… er… admit my feelings to Tsunade-baba, Kurenai-chan and Anko-chan one day and ask them to marry me so I can raise my own clan and have lots and lots of foursomes… after I have thought about it over an amount of time and have cleared my heads of all dirty thoughts…_

Now where the Hell did that stupid statement come from? Oh well, it had females and foursomes so…

'Get away from my Iruka-kun and his otouto, you vile beasts!' it was their saviour; she had arrived!

Of course, it was none other than his one and only woman, the second cousin of Kurenai, Suzume!

The next scene involved a lot of violence from a woman nearing her forties, which included several exploding kunais as well as the occasional Katon Jutsu and Doton Jutsu to officially destroy whatever hopes the fanboys had in either marrying Naruto or Iruka in one of their fantasies. Naruto never did bother to watch, as did Iruka, because the only thing more violent than a woman experiencing her menstrual cycle is a pissed woman that has found out that you are a member of her boyfriend's Fan Club.

Naruto, for a fleeting moment, felt a tinge of pity for the men she had practically maimed.

'Suzume-chan!' the tearful Iruka called out, hugging his girlfriend by her breasts and burying his face in them, whimpering like a little girl (Naruto felt a tad disturbed), 'They were so _scary _with their hairy chests and their kisses and their lipstick!' once again, Naruto felt now very much disturbed, 'I was so scared!'

'Don't worry my Iruka-kun! I will protect you till the day I die!' Suzume called out, very unlady-like.

Naruto wondered for a moment whether or not he should stay to witness their own rendition of the Maito Gai and Rock Lee moment; after several seconds, he decided to leave, and ended up in an alley after turning a left. It was actually very strange; how in the world did an alley end up here? He knew this part of Konoha very well, as he had lived here almost two decades of his life… so it was very strange.

'WE HAVE YOU NOW, NARUTO-KUN!' unless of course, you count the Naruto Fan Club females branch setting this up as a triple-layered Genjutsu trap just so they could corral you into their very clutches.

Once more, let us pray that Uzumaki Naruto is spared by the Almighty God above us… or not.

'NO, NOT AGAIN!' Naruto called out, performing several handseals and summoning a frog around two metres in height clad in thick armour, who was known as Gamakoki, one of the faster toads, 'STEP ON IT!'

'Fangirls eh? I got your back on this one, Uzumaki!' the frog leapt upwards, a good twenty metres above the buildings creating the alley. Over the buildings were women of all the beautiful ages, ranging from sixteen to forty, maybe more. The height from the jump was also allowing him to get a glimpse of what was going to and was to make his day much, much more miserable than it had already been so far…

Okay, so nothing can beat the horror of fanboys going after you with lipstick and girly things on…

'Uzumaki Naruto _Virginity Hunting Day_!' Naruto stared, bug eyed, at the t-shirts the females sported.

'Get him girls!' a rather buxom young woman called out, and in a flash there were several tails of rope with hooks attached to the end of them launched into the air and wrapped around Gamakoki and Naruto in an attempt to bring him down from his initial position I the air. Cursing, he leapt off Gamakoki.

A rather shapely blonde girl grabbed him from behind, but before he could feel a blush, he had puffed into a could of dust, thanks to a rather well-timed Kawarimi no Jutsu. He had reappeared on another rooftop, breathing a sigh of relief as he took time to catch his breath. Thie was truly exahausting.

_Forget Geji Mayu's weights, these girls increase your speed and stamina ten-fold with every chase._

'THERE HE IS!' came a shout from one of the members that were apparently, from ANBU.

'God, you hate me, don't you?' Naruto looked to the sky and ran as fast as he could, towards the only refuge that he knew of; the Forest of Death, which was _way _on the other side of town.

Naruto looked behind him, and saw a rather large pack of fangirls catching up on him, some of them ninjas and some of them civilians, which made everyone wonder how in the _Seven Bloody Hells _could they get so _friggin' fast_? He secretly wondered if the females of the human race had some kind of genetic material passed down from woman to woman or something like that; so far, he had witnessed about five of abilities unique to only women, and of which he had been the end of the affect when he was still around the age of fourteen or so. Once thing could be said of the abilities of women; they were actually… deadly.

Especially the power of the Titanic Weapon Mallet-sama, supposedly feared by Demons and looked upon awe by the Gods, holding power rivaling even the nine-tailed Demon Fox within him, and that was saying quite a lot, as aout of all the Tailed Beasts, it was proven that Kyuubi, by far, was the strongest. He had seen Ino summon it once, to knock Shikamaru into orbit and one hour later, he was stammering that he actually saw an alien wave at him and order pizza, but before he could decline gravity took its toll.

He felt a whip around his neck, and with dread, turned around… it was Uzuki Yuugao, the shmexy ANBU.

He was screwed; literally and figuratively. We will bury thy man with respect and comradeship.

Tsunade was mulling over the last remaining piece of paperwork, a cup of coffee in her hands. This was a file of complaint as well as a restraining order for Uchiha Sasuke, so that he quit trying to approach the Hospital Surgery room and try for a… _change_. A _very big _change. Shizune was out at the moment, at the academy for a lecture on what medic-nins did in the Hospitals, their abilities and such.

It was a boring job, but somebody had to do it. Scratch that; _someone that did not spend their days sighing and moaning and groaning and dreaming about a certain handsome blonde-eyed bishounen _should do it. After all, who would reminisice about the well-toned muscles of Uzumaki Naruto when he went to the hospital for his check-ups? How she could here his moan when she placed her cold hands over his warm body. Hell, any single woman would do so when seeing the diggity blonde without a shirt!

What the heck am I saying? Married women do the same too! Look at Ino's mother for Gods' sakes!

'_Tsunade-chan… I've loved you for so long, will you marry me?_' she heard in her head, sighing.

That was Naruto's voice if you didn't realize it sooner; and he was clad in a… shmexy tuxedo?

_Oh yes… I would you beast… take me now so we can be together for ever_, she thought, sighing.

'Ohayo, Hokage-sama!' came a cheerful greeting of a rather cheerful and informal Mitarashi Anko.

Following her from behind was Yuuhi Kurenai. Both of them were out of their shinobi attire, now clad in casual clothes. Kurenai had a rather tight-fitting black t-shirt on, as well as a pair of rap shorts, reaching past her knees and a necklace around her neck, with a pendant of a raven. Anko was clad in a tank top, with a pair of woman's pants, that tightened up at her shins. They both however, still sported their blue shinobi sandals. Tsunade looked up from her paperwork, not that she was actually doing anything about it, having that daydream about Naruto in a shmexy tuxedo cupping her cheek and looking hungrily at her.

'Good day, Anko; Kurenai, how are you two today? I trust tha you leave is going on fine?'

'Yeah, it is; a bit boring, but hey, I like manglin' people, so what do I know? So anyways, straight to the point; I'm requesting if you can twist something in the ANBU Torture and Interrogation department for me?' Tsunade raised an eye brow at the statement, but said nothing, 'Could you please transfer the records of Hyuuga Hinata and Haruno Sakura to Kapporo Mitami? He is going to be their Captain from now on, and I just thought, as the Vice-Commander of the division, that I had the role to tell you about that.'

Okay, I-' all at once, all time stopped, and the three women's spines began to develop a tingle.

Ah yes, the next level of the Naruto Admirer; the Naruto-kun sensory tingle sense! It alerted them whenevr their precious fox was in danger of being stolen, killed or anything that basically threatened him or their chances at being his lover or anything else that concerned Naruto, really. It also alerted them when he was either in the buff or in the hot springs! A perfect sense to have when you own a camera.

'Er, Anko-san, I'm sorry, but our meeting-' Tsunade began, rwacting to her Naruto- Tingle.

'Don't worry, Hokage-sama, I have to get going too.' Anko was doing the same, scratching her head.

'I hope you have a nice remainder of your day, Hokage-sama.' Kurenai said, nodding slightly.

_Naruto-kun in danger! _was their simultaneuous thought, and without further ado, they disappeared.

Seriously; he was trapped. The women were going to take off his clothes and ravish him with their bodies, not that it was a bad thing, but still, he wanted his first time to be between either Kurenai and himself, or Anko or even Tsunade; the women that he cared for. They came to him, licking their eager lips as he vainly struggled to escape the bonds he was tied in; he had to admit they were rather tight.

'Tee-Hee, looks like you're mine, Naruto-kun…' Uzuki Yuugao grinned in Naruto's foxy way.

The other girls then came, pulling her back, and finally creating an all-lout brawl, as the fought over who had first rights over the blonde bishounen. Hey; I found a new term for Naruto; Blonde Bishi!

'He's mine!'

'No way!'

'Get off me, you witch; I was the one who came up with the plan for the Genjutsu!'

'Who cares; get out of the way!'

'Naruto-kun's virginity is mine you moled freak!'

'What's that against moles!'

'Move out of the way; that hunk is mine for the taking!'

They continued arguing as Naruto tried to escape, which was in vain, since girls are after all, much much more scary than they were when they were chasing you, and since that madness was converted into his bonds, there was not going to be any form of escape for him; he would need a miracle to…

'HALT THERE, YOU WHORES!' came three simultaneous voices; Naruto recognized them.

Could it be? Was it them? Were the voices the ones of the women that he loved? IT WAS!

'Unhand him at this moment, you vile fiends!' Tsunade commanded, but her command was cast aside.

'NO WAY! Even if you're Hokage doesn't mean you can get Naruto-kun all for yourself!'

'And what do you plan to do with him? Look at the poor boy! He's all scared!' Kurenai pointed out to the cute tied-up and gagged Naruto, resisting the urge to go over there and hug him and kiss him.

'He's just scared of the potential we girls have that overcomes all of his desires!'

Feh; these girls had _nothing _on the Kure-Tsu-Anko combo. Naruto knew that; he believed in it.

'What about we give them a little gift as a punishment huh, Hokage-sama?' Anko licked her lips.

'I know the perfect thing… Kurenai; I give you permission to use the _The Genjutsu_.'

Kurenai grinned; she had been waiting for a moment, where she could use it; the only Jutsu that rivaled Uzumaki Naruto'sancient Jutsu, the Oiroke no Jutsu; this was her very own Genjutsu…

Confirmed as X-class; above the S-class level, because of the awesome power it held, driving people mad with just a glimpse of it; it was truly the most powerful Genjutsu ever…

Tsukiyomi had no beef with this big boy…

'You brought this upon yourselves!' Kurenai performed a series of handseals; 'Gai Harem no Jutsu!'

The women screamed… some foamed at their mouths and fainted… some went almost mad…

For the illusion before them was so horrible, that no one could withstand its awesome might…

And I cannot say anything because I too am disturbed…

After several moments, the three women rushed over to Naruto, relieving him of his boundaries.

'Thank you! I've tried getting away from the all day and they just came and-'

He was suddenly engulfed in a hug between the three women… with their breasts pressing against him.

As a side note, I curse Naruto because he is such a lucky bastard.

Upon further observation, the women were crying as they held onto him.

'BAKA! Don't you ever do that again; you had us so worried! Do you know what could have happened if we didn't come in time! They could have…' and they went on crying, pressing their chests against him.

Uzumaki Naruto; age eighteen. Most talented Jounin in Konoha. However, as any hot-blooded lae his age, he cannot fully withstand the sensual power of women. So, right now, with their breasts pressing against him and sobbing onto him, what was the reasonable thing he did to avid gettinga nosebleed?

That's right; he fainted… and they were still pressing against him…

From a distance, the Great Sannin jiraiya watched, slacked jawed andeyes wide open, uttering the words that all (straight) men would utter when they caught Naruto hugging all three women.

"CURSE YOU NARUTO!'


End file.
